And now - the dawn of a revelation for one of our dear friends!
Click here to read the first part of this tell-all testimony.
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Click here to read the first part of this tell-all testimony.
This went on for one more year until… I was introduced to the church. A friend invited me to cell and somehow I was interested to check it out. For a couple of months after that, I didn’t know what exactly intrigued me but I attended cell and service regularly. Perhaps it was God doing His amazing work in me! I don’t know. But a part of me felt comfortable, relieved, and… happy. Happy just being around the church people, happy being in the presence of God. I’d grown to find a sense of belonging in a place where I truly felt accepted, loved and beautiful.
Many a time, I’d feel touched by the word of God and break down. It’s like, suddenly I realized how much God loved me, yet I was hurting His own creation, his own masterpiece… me. Not forgetting the ever so awesome song, Hosanna, by Brooke Fraser. Every single time that song played during worship, I’d burst into tears. The lyrics, they meant so much to me.
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
I believe this song could mean a thousand other things to different people depending on their circumstance. For me, every single line spoke something to me. It became my prayer to God: to heal my broken heart and cleanse it, to open my eyes to see the beauty in me, to show me how to love myself just as He loved me, and to remind me it’s Him I’m hurting every time I chose to throw up. I then tried to pray to God every time I was tempted to vomit. It wasn’t easy at all, having to struggle with the urge to throw up. It became almost like an addiction, where I had to do it in order to relieve myself. At times, I would even vomit and shy away from God in guilt that I failed to consult Him before succumbing to the urge. For the longest time, I’d lived with the thought that “if one person can think I look ugly, I’m sure there are others out there who would think so too” and that kept me bonded to this “addiction”.
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| God's with you, every step of the way |
But our God is a good God; when He says you’ll never walk alone, you never will. I knew little about Him, but somehow I was confident He was going to deliver me from my plight because He loved me too much – and He did! He taught me a few valuable lessons that changed my perspective in life and eventually helped me out of bulimia:
#1 God loves me so much that it doesn’t matter even if the rest of the world didn’t.
Romans 8: 38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
#2 I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. My face, my body – they all represent God. Our God is perfect, and because I am made in His image, I look perfect in His eyes. Who has the right to judge it? Or say that it’s ugly?
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
#3 I am valuable despite what the world thinks.
#4 My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. I should honour God with my body and not hurt it.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
#5 God put me through this to make me stronger and dependent on Him. It was only through this trial that I built a relationship with Him and found out more about His teachings in the bible.
1 Corinthians 10:13 And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
#6 I cannot expect to just pray and be freed from this “addiction”. I have to put in effort and draw strength from the Lord for then will I be delivered through Him.
#7 “Everything I am for your kingdom’s cause”, the second last line of the lyrics mentioned above. I am selfish for focusing entirely on myself by dwelling in this problem of mine. It’s never meant to be about me; it’s about God, it’s about doing things for his kingdom’s cause.
#8 Contentment comes from knowing Christ is sufficient for me. He is all I need, He is my source of strength.
Philippians 4:12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
#9Who better to seek than the Lord Himself? God is ever so patient to listen to me and help me out. He’s the one who will give me rest and peace from this tiresome circumstance.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
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| Life still goes on, but this time ... with Hope |
Of course, life is not always smooth sailing. Because then you wouldn’t even need God! At times, I still feel unhappy about myself. But I now have a God whom I can turn to, whom I can draw strength from. I have scriptures I can look back at to remind myself of God’s promises and teachings. Friends, this is a God who never fails. This is a God who would gladly carry your burdens. This is a God you can definitely rely on. We all have our own struggles and I hope this serves as a reminder that God is always there for you. He is a faithful and patient God. He WILL listen, He will help – because you’re valuable to Him and He loves you. Be blessed!
Written by a very missed friend of ZPH,
Vera Lee
Written by a very missed friend of ZPH,
Vera Lee
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Hi Vera Lee. Thank you. And remember that you are beautiful =)